Eden Of D

Janani

2008-11-04T19:20:00.003+05:30

I am once again inspired to write my blog after a long time by the divine music of Illayaraja.

A casual change of TV channels and I came across a devotional song "Janani Janani". Initially this old song didnt catch my interest.And then I realized thats its a song from film "Thai Moogambigai", showing Adi Shankaracharya meditating on kodachadri hill. I listened to the full song...and by the time it neared its end, I had tears streaming down my face.

Music had once again managed to take me to reverie.My heart wept for my own mother and the mother country I had left behind to move into foreign soil. The song and the meaning filled me with such love for the meaning of Janani. I wept for my helplessness. All I could do was to listen to this song over and over again.

I do not know if goddesses exist in reality. But this song shows them in such beauty and devotion.....we just want them to be real.

When Guru Shankaracharya was blessed with the divine view of Devi Mookambika....he wrote Soundarya Lahiri describing the beauty and divinity of the goddess. He is the champion who saved hinduism.At a time when buddhism was getting stronger in India,Guru Shankaracharya

went about reminding Hindus what a great heritage they belong to.

Hindu or any other religion, I have realized one thing....Music has no boundaries.If it can move and inspire me to feel for the biggest word of all languages, then I am sure it can move hearts and transform this world.

Link for Janani Janani "http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6eFjBl_r4jE&feature=related"

Souls and Mates

2008-02-24T23:27:00.005+05:30

This is a topic which often leaves me thinking for hours.As a young girl I always thought that a soulmate must be a guy.Since I used to contemplate or rather equate it to a lover/partner/husband.But as I grew up,my views on this started getting broader.I started questioning the very existence of the Soul.And if there is a one soul thing then why do u need a soulmate?.Most of the times the wise ones tell us 'You come alone into this world and U go alone from this world'.If this is to be believed then it totally negates the theory on soulmates.And how many souls are gonna be mates?.....one?...two?....three??.

To find the answer I did some googling.I came to know many interesting aspects.According to an article,a soulmate is like the part of a twin flame.And this article goes on to tell that throughout our lifetimes we are in search of that other part of the flame.Is that true?I dont know if that is true.....but I know one thing.....we as humans are always in search of something.Something elusive.Atleast I am.I dont know if its a soulmate or parts of it.....or something more mysterious....But I am always in search of it/him/her.It really doesnt matter how I am gonna satisfy my soul....but I know one day I am gonna find it/him/her.If my husband would be reading this he might start questioning my using of a 'him' in the previous sentence.Becoz ideally one belives that the person we are married to is our soulmate.Its pretty convenient that way.But is it really true?.There is no fear or shame in accepting the fact that no matter how much u love ur spouse...he/she mite not be 'THE SOULMATE' u seek out.Becoz what we seek as soulmates doesnt really have to be a human....it could well be an animal or a thing(Anything u believe has a soul would do!). It could be a wayside stranger.An old granny.....a little beggar girl....anyone for that matter.Just someone who can touch ur soul in a way no other can.And it just takes a moment.It doesnt have to be years of bonding and all.Its just a moment in time when our whole perspective towards life changes.We feel at ease with life.....our search ends and we find peace within.

So I feel soulmates exist and not a single soulmate as such.....things or people who complete your soul.....but u mite have to wait a very long time before u come to peace with urself.Becoz its upon ur luck to find them in ur life....and sooner u do....the more peaceful u will be!

Off pains and all......

2008-02-24T02:03:00.004+05:30

"With great pain comes great strength."

Someone told me this a long time ago.And I still ponder on this statement.Becoz even though I believe that pain does make it easier to face more of its kind....does it really make us more stronger?

Let me start with the physical pain.How many of the women out there would say that childbirth for them was just a rollercoaster ride?Not many I suppose.Even more of it comes with other kinds of physical pain like a muscle tear,a ligament tear,a fracture,a socket slip(seem to be naming only sports injuries),a heart attack(now thats a big one) etc etc.So does one ligament tear make u more bold to face another....yes....by experience I can tell u so.But does it make u stronger....ohh no....it doesnt....the pain remains the same (I feel it increases everytime!).So much for the physical aspect.Lets now talk about the emotional pains.

In our lifetime we face different kinds of emotional pain.It starts pretty early but major ones would ome in teenage....like a betrayal by your best friend....or a heart break....loss of a dear pet.....loss of a dear one.....loss of trust....and so on.Do we get stronger everytime these pains come across?Some would say inadvertently so....becoz it doesnt hurt so much the second time someone breaks ur heart....or u would rather be more capable emotionally to deal with the loss of a dear one a few yrs down the lane.So its true then...pain does make u stronger....more u are able to bear...more stronger u become.But a tiny winy question still lingers at teh back of my mind....if its pain that makes u stronger than what is it that makes u weaker? Isnt it the thought of going through the same pain again?...And that is the only reason why people just seem to adapt themselves over the years.....In short....become detached....become 'Matured' as some would say. So ideally pain is not what makes us strong....its our ability for detachment that makes us strong. But for that we need to experience pain in the first place!

Reflection 1

2007-10-20T11:50:00.000+05:30

And as I look back...I realize how short my life has been.With under 25 yrs of earth experience, I used to consider myself as one of the wisest person around.The beauty of life kept on telling me that the path I tread was the right one.And suddenly out of the corner I am to turn around a sharp corner.Without knowing what I would find there...I vow to give ma best to make it a smooth turn.But here I come across a strange feeling. Why should it turn out to be so? why not the other way?And with so many doubts I finally make the turn.Its a beautiful world on the other side of the cliff.All my doubts melt away.But it does not satisy ma souls appetite.It seems to be searching for something different....and then it hits me like a jolt...Its looking for the ultimate happiness...which can be found only within oneself.And the only way to realize that, is by discovering the goodness in oneself.Every living moment should be a witness towards that discovery.And finally one day this would turn out to be the ultimate turning point.The point of self realization.

Heyy baby!

2007-09-19T20:33:00.000+05:30

And whoever said that babies were cute.....please raise up ur chin , brace urselves and face me!Coz as of today I have realized that whatever they maybe...they are a hell lot of trouble.The reason for this drastic change of opinion.....aah...well....its some story.Now this story is targeted only for ppl who have in some way or other come in contact with a baby.....a crying...a wailing baby!!!!!!

The nightmare started as soon as I boarded an all night bus to bangalore.Usually travelling by night has its advantages.We get to travel wen we would be actually sleeping.And for a person like me...who doesnt like wasting precious hours during day...this option appeals the best.Anyways back to the nightmarish journey.So the bus started its ardous journey through the ghats to the IT city bangalore.Just 30 mins into the journey I was already drifting into ma dreamworld.I was awakened by a feeble cry of a baby.I opened ma eyes and tried to fgure out its source.And a few seconds later I saw a mother nursing a very tiny baby.My first thought was "How Cute!!!!!!!"....after a while the baby went back to sleep.And the peace returned.But ma nightmare had just began.The baby wailed again as the driver took a sharp turn.The mother tried to put it back to sleep by feeding it...and then cooing to it and finally rocking it.But hell no!....the child would just not stop wailing.....for non stop 1 hr.....none of the passengers could even get a wink of sleep.Finally it went to sleep...and we went back to ours.Alas....the driver took a necessary break by parking the bus near a motel.The lights came on....and passengers went about to empty their bladders.And since it was the monsoon season....bladders were really full.Nothing seemed to bother the child.....it went on wailing....disturbed by the lights and sounds.This continued for most part of the rest of the journey.Finally the bus reached the IT city...and I could see the passengers heaving a sigh of relief as they alighted from the bus.

This was ma worst nightmare. I sometimes wonder how a small bundle of 4 kgs can wreak havoc in a bus full of adults.But it did....and ...I no longer think that babies are cute...coz wen they start wailing...they drive others nuts!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Jack Reacher

2007-06-02T20:38:00.000+05:30

I think the ideal man of every gal's dream has arrived....must be the nth time....but this time its a 'fictional character'.And its not only becoz of his looks(I know I must be joking to ignore solid mass of muscle 6.5ft tall and 230 pounds weight ;) )....but its more because of his irrestible charm.Let me introduce you to Jack Reacher.A former U.S. Army Military Police Major. He was born on a military base in Berlin on October 29, 1960, which surprisingly makes him a Scorpio.He is presently a drifter.Moving from one place to another.Troubles seem to follow him everywhere and so do beautiful women ;). He is a creation of author Lee Child. In all of his novels....Lee Child makes him the hero bracing all enemies and solving difficult cases.So much for the introduction to Jack Reacher.
And now to the topic of ma aquaintance with him.Last year I was just going through some books in a lending library when I suddenly came across 'The Enemy' by Lee Child.I dint make much of it at that time thinking it to be a war novel about some soldiers.As I was totally bugged with the romantic ones I had been reading...I took a chance and borrowed it home.It turned out to be a gud one...except maybe with little violent scenes.Depends on the imagination fully.So I finished it up in a record 2 days.When I went to the library again...I knew wat I had to lend next.Took 2 more of Lee Child novels.And so on and so forth.I have by now read almost all of Lee Child's novels.and I have loved every bit.Waiting for his next one.
It could be the narrative style of the author...but Jack Reacher is by far the most ideal man except that he doesnt like settling down....And he is always on the move...like a wanderer.Now this may not appeal to many gals in the long term.Hopefully he will settle down in Lee Child's next book. :-)

On an Altar

2007-04-25T20:34:00.000+05:30

Every evening He dresses up elegantly.Every evening he goes out to different parties.All the while he covets that beautiful skinned female.He doesnt like the ones with dangling earrings and clanking bangles.Nor the ones who laugh out loudly....the sound gives him jitters.He likes the ones with milky smooth skin.The ones with fresh blood flowing in their veins.But nowadays he comes across the scrawny obsessed dieting category. Ultra thin....with the clothes adding up one layer to them.These days he is not happy....not much blood around.And as the evening ends....he finally selects his victim.He hovers around her for a while.She is very elegant and has little make up on.This is good becoz he wont be repelled by the smell of cosmetics.He moves closer ready to make the kill.Unaware of the gruesome act...she laughs out harmoniously.Even her laugh is crystal clear and very melodious.He wonders if this could be the one his friends were talkin about.He slwoly brushes his lips against her neck.She senses something but is not too bothered."Fool"....he speculates.Finally he sinks his teeth into her soft flesh and sucks blood generously.It goes on for eternity...but then her partner hits him hard and kills him instantly.This is how the evening ends for a mosquito .

Love Affairs 1 - My Fascination with Ginger

2007-04-14T14:17:00.000+05:30

I don’t know how this love affair started. But when it did….it started out in a quiet subtle way. Initially I would be satisfied with little ginger here and there. Nowadays I have gone over the edge. Thts what ma folks tell me. I wouldn’t blame them. Their grown up daughter has a habit of using ginger with almost anything edible. I don’t think there is anything to be scared of….although ma mother seems to be having a problem keeping track of her ginger supplies.

Let me start from the beginning. This is the story of a little gal who would watch her grandma make some traditional curries with intense concentration. And then she would see grandma using this funny looking ‘herb’ in huge quantities. She would hold one of them between her fingers and scrutinize it. To look, it resembled her finger….yet it could be eaten. Out of curiosity…she took a bite one day. The taste that her tongue experienced was an out of the world experience. It was hot…It was bitter and It felt funny to the tongue. She decided this ‘herb’ was not her cup of tea. Ohh yes…Tea….several years later at a friends place she tasted a very refreshing drink. It was called Ginger Tea. She couldn’t believe it….the same ‘herb’ now tasted like nectar when it was mixed with the decoction of tea. And that day she falls in love with the most beautiful herb called Ginger.That gal is Me and this is ma story.

I truly feel Ginger is a gift of our mother earth to us. As are onions, garlic, turmeric etc. One piece of ginger can cure us of all the ailments. Especially the preparation of ginger based buttermilk can work wonders in hot humid weather found in Mangalore. And so is everything that can be associated with food. A shot of pure natural ginger can add that extra taste to a dull boring dish.

This affair shall last very long. And more I know ginger….the more I love it for its magical properties. And this is a point in ma life when I cannot live without Ginger for even a single day. People fall in love with a person, car, bike, song, movie and several other myriad things. But this must be the first time in the history when a gal falls in love with the very simple yet magical Ginger. And this fascination doesn’t stop at ginger….there are many such stories with different spices and condiments. I promise to pen them down some day….but for now….let me bask in this humid weather with a chilled glass of Ginger buttermilk. :-)

Bundle Of Contradictions

2007-02-18T12:12:00.000+05:30

A friend calls her BOC (Bundle Of Contradictions).She wonders if it is true.And she remembers others who had told her the same thing before.But she doesnt believe it.She considers herself as a bit confused but not full of contradictions.So she tries to gather proof.She is a student of science.She is always asking questions like why and how.So she needs to confirm it with some proof.So most of the time now....she analyzes her own actions.Of late she hasnt found anything concrete...and hence she lets it rest.But soon after..... an incident proves the claim and leaves her surprised.

She has to meet someone.It wouldnt be a problem to 'normal' people.People always meet other people.But it is a bit difficult for her...becoz she doesnt like the real world.She likes her little comfy dream world with people she knows and trusts.But it does not mean tht she is nervous.She is very cool abt it.But something else bothers her.A week prior to the meeting....a battle of thots start within her relentless mind.She has poor concentration.Sometimes a thot creeps up.She deals with it.Soon after a thot totally negating the first thot creeps up.She wonders about her work.It seems to suffer too.She feels like a caged bird.She has lots of emotions.But she doesnt understand them.She is not able to come to terms with them.

On the D day...she meets the person.She feels like she is a third person seeing her and him meet.
He keeps looking into her eyes trying to know wat she is thinking.The irony being tht she herself does not know about her thots.She feels a mixture of emotions and she thinks it will all be a big flop show.She decides to be herself.When people try to be someone they are not....they forget who they really are.And soon the clouds of contradictions clear away.Before the dark entwining emotions take a grip of her again...she clearly thinks for a while and realizes the first and basic fact of life.Life is never complicated.It is we humans who complicate it.It is as simple as it can get.And it shuld be lived tht way.And the most important lesson of life is to express it the way it is.So u cry,laugh,panic,love,like,hate and get angry wen u have to....dont resist.

Let life flow like a river....it will find its path even among rocks and nooks and corners.:-)

Yet Another Dream....

2007-02-11T19:21:00.000+05:30

A faint smell was soothing ma senses.I knew the origin but I couldnt point it out.I glided along.The whole surrounding was calm and white.It felt like I was moving on some fluffy clouds.Everything was soft and beautiful.I tried touching the white walls....they seem to waver at ma touch.I wondered if I would keep on gliding forever.At that instant I automatically stopped.I looked around.I still couldnt see the ground.I was still floating on white clouds.I was astounded to see the white robe draped around me.It was made of teh lightest material.It was flowing like a white river all around me.I looked around.I felt so peaceful and happy that I closed ma eyes.After some time I opened them.What I saw took my breath away.....I saw the bottomless abyss below me.And the white clouds had disappeared.The surrounding turned to Matrix green.And then I saw the silhoutte of a man.He was covered with green light.I couldnt see his face.And then I missed the irst beat of ma heart.An overwhelming fear took hold of me.Te green man seemed to approach me.I wanted to scream....but the voice wouldnt come out.I was choking.And I felt I was sweating with fear.And ma heart was thumping loudly with the overdose of adrenalin.And then the whole scene vanished.I was back in ma house.I realized I was on ma bed.It was not long before I realized that it was yet another dream of mine.But it took me a full 5 minutes to calm ma nerves and slow ma heartbeat to normal again.I still wonder who that green faceless man was....

And why the peaceful happy dream took such a traumatic turn....

Some questions will remain unanswered.As someone rightly said....Dreams actually symbolize something which we either want to let go or hold on.I dont know which one applies to this case.

The Act of Survival

2007-01-21T19:15:00.000+05:30

And we come back to the age old question of survival.Survival in today's world is truly a big talent.And the more better u get at it...the more successful u will be.So much for humans.What about animals? I have often wondered....wen we had so many changes happening in the world around us....how have animals changed?And what do all these changes mean to them?

I am sure the dogs and cats of today are very familiar with the computer.Their ancestors might have never anticipated so many changes.Thats with the technology.How have they managed to fight their basic survival battles?

We all know that Cats and Dogs have been bitter enemies forever.And its always been the topic of discussion when we get in a new cat.Will the dog accept this new member?Or will they start fighting and eventually end in the cat's death.This question is more of importance now becoz urban people have a variety of high breed dogs to select from.These dogs are big,burly and most important very ferocious.But among the cats we dont generally go for beautiful persian cats always.We still are more fascinated by 'foreign' dogs than 'foreign' cats.So what happens when u have a mighty German sheperd and a country cat in one house? No points for guessing what the members of the house were thinking.So they waited for the day when the Dog would catch the Cat and the story would end.It did happen.I was a witness to it.The Dog chased the Cat around ma home compound and pinned it down.And sunk in its razor sharp teeth into the cat's belly.I screamed.I screamed real hard.And the scream had its effect.The dog lost its focus for a while and the cat just squeezed out of the tight grip and ran for its life.It immediately climbed a coconut tree.All bruised and scared it was a pathetic site to watch.I was still shivering.I had almost witnessed a murder in broad daylight.And no matter what happens in future, that dog had made an enemy out of me.

I love dogs more than cats.But in the end...I always support the weaker opponent.And I wondered how the cat was going to survive in the same house as the dog.Some day it was gonna die.And then one day I saw something which made me wonder on the instinct of survival.I saw the Dog move slowly towards the sleeping cat.It was planning on attacking it.And I was about to scream when....the cat turned around and in one swift move scratched the dog's face with its paw.The dog stood their stunned.Then it moved away whining in pain.The cat just resumed its beauty sleep.

So this is what its all about.When it comes to survival...we all have our little skills.We have to decide when and how to use it.Nature has seen to it that we all be equipped with our strong points.If the Dog is big and Burly and frightening.....the Cat makes it up with sheer guts and small paw of menace.Everyday nature gives us yet one more reason to survive and live.So what have u learned today? :-)

Wen will I be free????

2007-01-07T20:43:00.000+05:30

All of ma disoriented life I have wondered.....Wen will I be free?

By freedom I mean .....everything....!And just wen u think U have got tht .....U realize a new power is Ur boss now.

Lets strt from the beginning...as a crawling toddler....u wondered why Ur legs dint allow u to stand wen all U wanted to do was to just stand.Ur muscles were gaining strength and u were under thier control. Power rests in ur muscles now!
Then comes ur kindergarden days.....All u wanted was to have tht extra candy.....BUT....Ur ever vigilant mummy wouldnt buy it for U!!!! (Coz maybe she has to spend more money going to the dentist and fill ur cavities later!!!!)Power control by parents....and its just the beginning....best part is yet to come.
Come school days...u couldnt watch ur fav cartoon show...becoz ur parents wanted u to score the highest in ur mathematics exams the next day.And 'power game' keeps getting worser as u step into ur teens.And now for the first time u realize tht u too have some power to contradict them....u go at loggerheads with ur parents.And they justify the phenomenon by terming it as 'age gap' or 'teenage madness' or yet 'hormone imbalance'.Ofcourse u know tht they always wanted to do their best for u!But then.....u ask..."Wen will I be free?"

Fine....u finish ur studies....u get a gud job.U r independant financially and u take ur own decisions.Happy ?are u?Not quite! Now there always seems to be one freaking boss who wouldnt rest till he eats ur brains out!He is ur power control now.Okay...okay....atleast u get paid for doing ur job...and hey...couple of yrs later....u get to boss some juniors also.

Lets see ur personal life.U meet tht spl person...fall in love...and strt having romantic weekends.(Ohhh I am an optimist...am talkin abt India...am sure it is accepted now!).Slowly u realize u have to make some compromises.....some which u wouldnt like...but have to do becoz....ur spl frnd would not approve.And yes....adjustment is the first ingredient of a lasting relationship.Now the power control shifts...no points for guessing where.If thsi ends in marriage....well....no comments...its a life full of adjustments and blah...blah...blah....

And all this while......u r under the vigilant eyes of the society too.No matter how much u disagree abt this....lets face it....society cares for u!And u can never do anything wrong.....u know which will make u luk bad in frnt of society.And trust me ...there are a lot of things which the society considers 'bad'.Power control is now with the society.

Even if u escape all this.......Do u think u can escape the almighty GOD????By god I mean simply the conscience tht u have.And also ur actions......and ur destiny.Did u ever think u could escape ur fate????Power control now shifts for the final time.

And u forever wonder.....Wen will I be free???? Perhaps...Death....aah...well...its another story altogether...some other time.

Kedarnath

2006-12-09T23:44:00.000+05:30

The Kedarnath Temple

The Mind Boggling Foot Trail To Kedarnath

It was a boring sunday.And on top of tht ma plans of traveling somewhere new had just been rejected by ma parents.So I watched some TV and then lulled a bit.With nothing more to do I opened up the rack containing old photo albums.It is rather an unusual feeling tht one encounters on seeing old photos.These lifeless still pictures suddenly take us back to old memories.Memories so dear to us.And among such memories the best was ma trip to Badrinath-Kedarnath.I must be around 10yrs then.At tht time we lived in Delhi.Well let me just recount the experience of tht trip.

We took a package tour which would cover kedarnath, badrinath, hardwar and hrishikesh.Now it must be in the month of April.Inspite of this....its pretty cold at both kedarnath and badrinath since they are situated at a very grt height.First stop was hardawar...then hrishikesh.No problems yet.Now next was kedarnath.The buses along these high altitude roads move at a very slow pace.Becoz we could have a landslide at any moment.In addition to this....the roads are narrow....and the sides very steep.I still remember at one point our bus came to a stop very near to the edge due to a small landslide.And then I had looked out of the window and seen the vast expanse of the Jhelum river below me.I really did feel giddy then.But braving all these the bus finally came to kedarnath.But not yet to the main shrine of the Lord Shiva.The place itself is named after him.The main shrine is situated some 7kms up a hill.No vehicles are allowed.Only thing tht could take us up were horses or ponys or our good old legs.But walkin is too tiring as unlike a normal road, this path is very steep and curvy.So ma parents boarded horses with horsemen on foot.And for me and ma bro we had 2 strong 'basketmen'...as we called them...carrying us on their backs in baskets.I know its funny...but this is how we covered the entire 7kms.By the time we reached the top....we were numb with cold.On top of tht me and ma bro both came down with high temperature.In the end....inspite of all tht trouble taken...only ma mum could visit the shrine of kedarnath.It is the belief among Hindus tht a person visiting the 4 dhams(Kedarnath, Badrintah, Gangothri and Yamnothri) is really lucky and fortunate.All these 4 dhams are extremely hard to reach both due to their subzero temperature as well as their location. After this stop was Badrinath.....But I dont recall much abt tht place except tht it too was extremely cold and at one point ma fingers had gone totally numb.And I had strted crying becoz I wanted to eat ma food but couldnt.By nature I am a warm weather person.Ma body doesnt go well with cold weather.So I suppose wen the weather is cold for others....its very very cold for me. :-)

I had not realized it till recently tht there was snow all around us on our way to kedarnath...yet we never had the liking or intention to play wid it.And now wen I am old enuf to realize the fun we can have with snow....I dont seem to be getting any chance to visit such areas.:-(

With Love...To the greatest Diva

2006-11-07T19:23:00.000+05:30

She moves left...then to right and then left,..and then...right and it keeps on moving like a spring.The power of her performance lies at her hips.And truly so she has penned a song with tht theme.All her songs concentrate on the feminine side.
A woman with a gud curve can make the whole world dance to her tunes....and one such woman is Shakira.Extremely talented....very beautiful...very sensual and very natural.I would kill to have her hips...:-).Heres a post dedicated to ma favourite diva.

Hips Don't Lie
Ladies up in here tonight
No fighting, no fighting
We got the refugees up in here
No fighting, no fighting Shakira,

Shakira I never really knew that she could dance like this
She makes a man want to speak Spanish,
Como se llama, bonita, mi casa, su casa
Shakira, Shakira

Oh baby when you talk like that You make a woman go mad
So be wise and keep on Reading the signs of my body
And I'm on tonight You know my hips don't lie ..................................................

The Wedding grace.

2006-10-24T12:43:00.000+05:30

Every single second was killin me.Oh! How I wished the daymare to end.It was a very humid day.In Mangalore we have such days during the months of April and May.The humidity is such that ppl always seem to be takin baths.And the body loses water like a squeezed sponge.And to add to the never ending woes of the ppl, we have majority of our weddings conducted at this time of the year.

I am never an extremely social person.Infact I hate social gatherings.Men talk.Women gossip.Some women forget the occasion in their frenzy for gossipping.Like some women would bicker abt their daughter-in-laws at a funeral.It sounds so inhuman.But human tendency is such tht others' problems always play a second fiddle to ours....no matter how serious they may be.Well thts another story altogether.This is not abt some women and their art of gossipping.This is abt a happy occasion.Not so happy for me...but nonetheless for others in ma family.A wedding.

Now the first thing abt a wedding is the costume.I used the word costume becoz u find beautiful dresses anywhere...but in weddings u find 'never-seen-before' costumes.Its like ppl come out with their creative side.Atleast women do.So it all began the day wedding was fixed.Everyone was asking the same question..."what are u wearing???"

It was ma uncles wedding.I had to go.I could not bail out.So I set upon the most mind boggling task of choosing a befitting costume for maself.I wanted to wear somethin comfortable....going by the weather.But all ma efforts went down the drain and I was literally blackmailed into wearing a saree.Now I have nothin personal against them.They make a woman look very elegant if not beautiful.But the fact is I am not comfortable in them.Atleast not when beads of sweat trickles down the nape of the neck...and gets into the blouse and we feel all funny.After some time we feel itchy and sticky.Yucks...the thought made me feel go nuts.But since the order came from none other than ma mum, I had to obey.Atleast I had the gud luck of choosing a light saree for maself.All set...just wait for the daymare now.

On the D-day everyone complementd me on how gud I luked in saree and blah blah blah....These complements did manage to keep ma spirits high till afternoon.But then as the temperature rose ma spirits dipped.The sweat...the people and whole melodrama.All this time, I was expected to behave like a lady and keep a smile pasted on ma face.No matter how uncomfortable I felt inside.I had never agreed to wear flowers....so I was saved from the flower mania.By flower mania I mean the act of jasmine flowers comin out from the thread and scattering all over the hair...and other women picking them up like lice!

And finally the day ended....and I quickly changed to some light cotton clothes.A cool shower came next and then a nap.And wen I woke up I couldnt believe I did make it through the day wid the grace of a lady :-)

Mind...and the Games!

2006-10-23T23:14:00.000+05:30

Ohhh...the games of the mind.

We all battle out these mind games.All the time...everywhere.It starts very young.I remember my first mind game with ma brother wen I was around 5.He was 3.We were playing some kiddo stuff in the courtyard.Suddenly I came across a beautiful shell.I picked it and was exhilarated.It was ma precious possession.And then ma bro snatched it away from ma hand and ran away to mum.I was so angry and frustrated....tht I chased him and tried to snatch it back.But he made a big face and somehow convinced mum tht he needed it more than me.It was finally decided tht it would go to him.And I the elder sister had to give in as always.It started young wid him.Over the yrs he has become very gud at mind games.

On the other side I hate mind games.It drains the energy out.But there are some situations where they have to be played.Like the time wen I wanted to watch movie Lagaan, previous day of an exam.It took a painful and exhausting half hour to convince ma father to let me watch it.I did watch it in the end...but It was some pathetic mind game tht I was played wid him.

It happens all the time nowadays....wid ma students.They come wid the wildest reasons to get more marks.And I have to give it to them inspite of the fact tht they dont quite deserve it.They are better players than me.

So much for the casual and harmless mind games.Sometimes ppl use these clever games to get into other ppls minds and control them.I cannot name it as love or fun....becoz here one player knows he is playing...but the other one is unaware of it.And its a wily game...which generally ends wid profound sadness and broken esteem.Its dangerous for both the ppl involved though.The one who masterminds the game and wins it...gets the taste of winning...and will repeat it over again wid some new player.The innocent one who lost, will regret being victimised throughout life and will base future relationships wid this experience.

Its only befitting to say tht one who becomes an expert at concocting and winning mind games....will in reality live to the fullest and enjoy life more than others.

For the losers....well...theres always hope.

Eve-Lyn Teasers.

2006-10-12T22:34:00.000+05:30

This post is a long overdue.

I wanted to write it long back....but somehow couldnt get the courage to write it down.Even today ma words may seem coated with sugar.But then I dont want to relive such petty incidents and spoil ma mood.

Well now...Wat abt these Eve teasers?

I call them Evelyn teasers...becoz I feel they have a mental weakness wen they go abt groping and touching women derogately, just for fun.The present day woman is not a tender eve.She is not the one who would just sit back and wait for some adam to come along and save her.She fights her own battles.Especially wen it comes to protecting the sanity of self-dignity.Gone and buried deep, are the years wen there lived a timid school gal...who would be too scared to cry out wen a stranger groped her at wrong places.Nowadays gals can smell eve teasers from a mile...and they are extra cautious.They dont take it quietly....and they will not stop till they rip the teaser's brains out!!!

An important point to be noted is where are those yester yr school girls....who had to bear and grow up with the emotional pain?

They shuld be mothers or sisters of young gals themselves now.I am sure they would see to it tht such things are not repeated with their loved ones.So they would edecate them....infuse courage to fight back.And lo behold...u have a genre of fearless women....who are proud to be called as Adam teasers.Its payback time....and ...we are gonna payback real gud. :-)

Will and Fat!

2006-09-17T13:08:00.000+05:30

Amidst the sea of thoughts that one thinks on a particular day….I am pretty sure some would definitely be about the past. Maybe not so frequent for people who are buzy….but for people like me….its a frequent activity.

One such thought which keeps making its rounds rather frequently is about ma teenage. I must admit that my teenage was the worst part of ma life. I was a nerd…I had pimples….I was charcoal colored (courtesy throw ball sessions in the afternoons) and to top all this I was fat! Now by fat I don’t really mean very fat…..u know not the kinds u see on Oprah show…but yes…I was fat by the local lingo. Initially everyone in ma family including me blamed the hormones for ma bhootni looks. Later on even as ma pimples reduced and ma skin tone improved…one thing worsened.Ma problem with weight. I put on a lot of weight once I reached college. I knew all along that this was a big problem in ma life. And it affected ma self confidence a lot too. But it seemed too late to do anything. And all ma efforts with exercise seemed to go in vain. I just didn’t have the perseverance to go on. The emotional pain that I have suffered at the cost of ma own body is something which I shall never overcome in ma life. But the final blow was dealt sometime after I passed out of ma engg college.
Some uncanny relatives mistook me for ma aunty who had just delivered her 2nd child….!!!!!!! :(…I did cry real hard tht day.But a solemn resolve was shaping out in ma mind….and I decided tht never again would anyone confuse me with older women.
I put maself through rigourous food control and exercise.I abandoned all sweets and ma fav food items. The motto I chose - “Food is Poison!”. Everytime I seemed to give in to ma cravings….the bitter experiences with ma weight would flash before ma eyes and I would just jump back to reality. And over a period of 1 yr…I reduced a lot. The process is still continuing….it will never stop throughout life.I plan to keep it going as long as I live. But am better now….as in I do treat maself to ma fav icecream once in a while.
Everyday is a fight between ma will and ma cravings.But so far ma will is winning….dont know till when. But wen I see it losing…I will pay a visit to ma relatives….and lo-behold….things will come back to where it all began…:)

Self Doubt

2006-08-08T13:11:00.000+05:30

Be honest to urself...and tell me how many times u have encountered the feeling of self-doubt?

I am sure...many times....in fact if u r a 'normal' human being...it must have occurred many times....and will occur innumerable times in future.

What is self-doubt?

As kids our parents always urged us to take that extra step towards success with confidence of "U can do it!"....and as we grow up the number of people doing that for us reduced considerably.Maybe some friends could do it for u...maybe ur spouse...maybe...just maybe.So then when we battle out life,somewhere along the way....we get the feeling of defeat.And the self-doubt creeps in.This phenonmenon is the strongest and the most influential one.Simply becoz the very thought of losing out can make u lose an entire battle itself.Remember Arjuna in Mahabharath....yes....tht was self-doubt he was facing...and Lord Krishna counselled him out of it.But whom do we turn to in todays world when we encounter self-doubt?

This is the era of modernization.The one who hesitates....will be thrown out of the way.And people are always running behind some elusive force....like money, love, happiness, religion and even peace of mind.Who really has the time to sit and listen to our woes and ur lack of worth?
No one.....in the end we see our lone reflection in the mirror.And then how do we erase this sinking feeling of self-doubt?How will we get the confidence to fight our battles?

I found a little something...which has helped me many a times.It may sound silly...but it still sometimes work.No harm in trying it out....:-)

Gandhiji's Talisman

"Recall the face of the poorest and the weakest man whom you may have seen and ask yourself if the step you contemplate is going to be of any use to him. Will he gain anything by it? Will it restore him to a control over his own life and destiny? In other words, will it lead to Swaraj for the hungry and spiritually starving millions? Then you will find your doubts and your self melting away."

We can soften the Swaraj bit....rest is acceptable.It really works well...depends on our choice of the poorest and weakest man though.

The Stay

2006-06-29T20:00:00.001+05:30

Recently I went to attend a 3-Day workshop at a famous engineering college in Bangalore.Funny as it is the most memorable part of this experience would be my stay at the Boys Hostel.

I know what u all are thinking.But to tell u the truth....it wasnt tht bad.

The first interesting point was tht the hostel was quite empty as it is the study hols for the university.And this building where we were put up,also hosted the mess facility...so boys and more boys from all the other hostel blocks flocked in at meal times.We were just 2 gals!!!But ofcourse our doubts of fitting in vanished as soon as we entered the mess on the first day.We presumed the boys would atleast gawk at us for some time....but alas...most of them dint even notice we were amongst them!And the few who did just gave a passing glance as if we were no more than some roadside hawkers!!!:-)

I mean this is some thing we were quite unprepared for.But again this situation could be the direct result of the fact tht they perhaps knew tht we were teachers.As we found out later from the warden tht it was a common thing for lady teachers to stay in the boys hostel during workshops,conferences,exam invigilations etc.

The most striking thing however was the indifference of the students to us .We atleast expected some of them to come and bang our room doors at night....u know just out of fun.Coz we never know...boys are boys.But tht dint happen either!!! :-)Gud boys.

The students here seemed totally cut out from the normal world.The only thing tht connected us to them, seemed to be the subjects.We too taught the same saubjects....the one which they were studying around.

During an evening walk around the vast campus, I found half of them moving about with books.The other half seemed to be occupied in some mundane activities like talking on the cell phone,sipping coffee at the cafe or simply just moving about chatting and laughing.

Watever the situation....this experience is one which I shall not forget very soon!:-)

Dragon and Her Friends!

2006-06-17T20:42:00.000+05:30

Now this post is going to be very special, becoz this is one touchy topic and watever I speak on it would be from my heart.

Even wen I was a toddler...I refused getting bogged by bully babies.Something abt ma personality I suppose.I really have to say the opp sex is scared of me...evn today after so many yrs. :-)

I should be feeling extremely happy abt it...but somehow I think it has robbed some of the ppl who could have turned out to be ma best friends.

I definitely dont blame them.

It seems to be appropriate at this moment to let u know tht I am a tomboy....atleast I was till recently.Even today it would take several coaxings and more emotional blackmailing from ma mother if I were to wear a simple bindi.So in short I am blunt....forthcoming and painfully straight wen it comes to feelings.If I am angry....it would be directly seen on ma face and defintely reflected through ma voice.Same wid the others.

I guess this is one reason why I get along well with boys.I do have many girlfriends....but I have never trusted them with evn simplest of ma secrets.Ironically some of the friends who I have chosen from the opp sex actually know many secrets abt me.

I am not lucky to claim one special guy friend who knows everything abt me....but I definitely am proud abt a crazy bunch of ma 'boy' friends who know me pretty well. They themselves do not know each other...but If they were to meet sometime and talk abt me....I am sure everyone would have a tale abt me.

Yet again for many years now...I have noticed tht only the bully kind of boys remain as ma friends.I mean to say the guys who can take ma jokes as jokes and ma philosophy talk as philosophy and sometimes ma mood swings.They are the tough ones who wouldnt get insulted or hurt by some windy comment frm a gal.A hearty bunch I would say.

The pure souls did not last long.They could not bear the harshness of a Dragon like me.What they fail to see is that Dragon is human too.They never had the courage nor the patience to see her as she was.The Dragon does regret her behaviour late...only to realize its too late.Another innocent soul has been charred.

The only solace tht ma Dragon being can give is tht I go away as far away frm them as possible.Adios pure souls...u were never meant to be ma friends....gud luck.

And for those brave ones remaining.....Dragon shall lash out her anger sometimes....but u know wat to do...dont u? :-)

I Love You O Sayyoni.....

2006-06-04T18:42:00.000+05:30

Dil se poochle
Jaan se poochle
Jahan se poochle
Tujpe hain sirf , Mera haq
I love u o sayyoni...

I have been humming this song for over a month now.It just keeps on playing over and over again in my head.Yeah....somethin like Ally McBeal song drama....with the only difference tht I dont need a shrink to tell me tht everything is allright.

Its funny...isnt it?I mean how can a person keep hearing the same song again and again without any control of their own.And the local city buses(I commute through a bus :-)) play a grt hand at this out of the world experience.They play the song over and over again like its some msg frm a religious leader who wants more hypnotic followers.

This Himesh fellow is gud too....we can say he is the modern day Rehman.He composes songs with same base....so all his songs sound familiar...and yet they are different. He is talented...no doubt abt it.But some of my frnds feel he just croones a lot.Some even feel he howls like a wolf.But watever the judgement....everyone is humming his tune.And I especially like his song remixes for my excercise session.They pep up the tired muscles and urge me to go tht extra 10 min....which makes all the difference.

I hope he comes out with many such songs....YEah...I am a wee bit selfish here...:-)

Liars and their Lies...pooh!

2006-05-31T19:26:00.000+05:30

The basic carnal question is why do ppl lie.
The very straightforward answer is tht ppl are scred of truth and to avoid conflict....they lie.

Human beings are very adept in lying.Even when we question a 2 yr old child if she broke her sister's doll....there is a 99% chance tht she would lie and say no just to avoid scoldings from parents.
Lying comes naturally to us.And everyone has stood in the guilty box of conscience court at some point of time or other.

The funny thing is many are not born experts at lying.But as time goes by ppl get better at it....coz to be an efficient liar u need to believe tht by lying u r doing the right thing.And eventually u start believing it and become a white lies expert.

I once knew a gal who was a pathological liar.She would lie to everyone about everything.When I asked her why she did it...she said tht she enjoyed it.

I myself seem to have become an expert at lying.I am now able to lie beautifully to the bus-conductors.I travel about by just paying half the ticket price...;).My folks would be surprised at my cheapness and stinginess...but then I enjoy calling myself a student and getting concession for tht.Yeah I know....I am being dishonest and all tht...but still....it is a thrill.Everytime I lie to the conductor,I wait for him to catch my lie with firmly held breath.
And to be as good as the lie....I convince myself tht I do look like a student:-)....here half the battle is won...and then the unquavering tone and the straight face would enable me to travel with the luxury of a student.

I dont paln to dod it for long...but I will definitely do it as long as it thrills me.

Lies are the private property of a liar.They survive if they are told by expert liars else thay are killed on the way.

Wats Love Got To Do With It????!

2006-05-25T20:47:00.000+05:30

(Very much ma feelings about this emotion!It took me some long and hard yrs to come to this conclusion.....Alas Tina Turner had already sung a song abt it....else me would have composed one myself...;))

You must understand

That the touch of your hand

Makes my pulse react

That it`s only the thrill

Of boy meeting girl

Opposites attract

It`s physical

Only logical

You must try to ignore

That it means more than that[Chorus]

Oh whats love got to do, got to do with it

What`s love but a second hand emotion

What`s love got to do, got to do with it

Who needs a heart

When a heart can be broken

It may seem to you

That i`m acting confused

When you`re close to me

If i tend to look dazed

I`ve read it someplace

I`ve got cause to be

There`s a name for it

There`s a phrase that fits

But whatever the reason

You do it for me

[Chorus]

I`ve been thinking of a new direction

But i have to say

I`ve been thinking about my own protection

It scares me to feel this way

What`s love got to do, got to do with it

What`s love but a sweet old fashioned notion

What`s love got to do, got to do with it

Who needs a heart when a heart can be broken.

RANI

2006-05-21T19:36:00.000+05:30

.....It was dark..very dark.I could not see anything around me.But I could feel numerous insects crawling underneath my hands and legs.A frog croaked somewhere.
I choked with fear."Help me.....pls...pls...!!!" I wailed.Hot tears running down my 7 yr old cheek.If only someone would come and rescue me.No one could....coz no one knew I was here.My folks would assume me to be wid ma friends playing hide and seek.I was doing just that before I was locked up here by a treacherous friend.Now this dark barn was going to be ma nightmare.
It was just 3 in the afternoon.And no one would come looking for me atleast till 6.All of ma grandmas stories about ghosts of dark were haunting me. I started wailing as loudly as I could.Then I heard some noise outside the barn door. I couldnt recognize what it was in the beginning.Then it struck me.It was ma Rani. My 10 yr old doggy.She had hrd me and come looking for me.I asked her to open the door.But no matter how hard she tried...she couldnt unlock the bolt.Then she ran off suddenly.My heart sank.She too has abandoned me...I thought.I was about to start my wailing again when I heard some voices...my parents!Now I will be safe.My Rani had saved me.....

I dream this dream every now and then and wake up emotionally drained and with a pang of guilt.I still remember the look in Rani's eyes when she fought the losing battle against death.And I couldnt do anything but watch helplessly.Sometimes animals make such a wonderful impact on our lives that they remain with us forever ruling our thoughts.More than a human. Yes…more than any other being on this earth.

My tryst with voice

2006-04-25T20:46:00.000+05:30

Voice....
Yes
Voice.....
Our Voice....
Hmmmm.........

Voice is the most important thing to us once we lose it.Its always the same experience with all the other important things in our life.Only wen we lose it....we realize its worth.I learned this lesson long ago.I have lost many dear and near things only to realize their worth later.But this time it is different.I have lost ma voice.I just realized, I can not express verbally my objections,my aspirations,my anger,my feelings,my songs...and so on.And most importantly I cannot do jusctice to ma profession.I teach...(If u dint know by now, hearing ma lecture u will).The most imp thing for this profession is the verbal aspect....(second to singers,fisherwomen,bus-conductors....so on).
It just happened all of a sudden.I felt ma voice not coming out.To speak a few sentences I had to put in lot of effort.Soon I reverted to sign language and lip movements.My folks got worried and sent me to a Doc.He asked me to have complete voice rest for quite a number of days.Awwwwwwwwwww......
If I miss somthin more than anything now...its the sweetness of ma own voice.I want to scream and sing and celebrate life.I want to thnk God for giving us the most beautiful way of expression...Voice.Whoever told that 'Silence was golden and Speech was silver'.....is so wrong.Nothing can match the sense of speech.....
U know it wen u r deprived of it.No one can spk for me...except me....I need ma voice back to be me.

Movie Review Of Tom-Yum Goong

2006-04-23T20:33:00.000+05:30

To strt with, I nevr wantd to watch a Thai movie on a weekend.But it so turns out tht the dvd shop fella just kept pushin this dvd at me tellin me how gud this movie was.So I thot...wat the heck...lemme try it out.

I was low on expectations as I expected some neck breaking stunts and nothin else.5 mins thru the movie...I was already on the edge of ma seat.It looked less and less like an action movie and more of a tarzan story.The hero in his childhood spends most of his time with his big,burly,beautifully tuskered elephant(lets call him Cal).He is dropped to school on its back and so on.Soon the hero becomes a handsome(an exaggeration!) young man...who now also plays wid Cal's cute little baby.Everything is perfect in the little village where our Hero lives with Cal till one day....Poachers arrive.In a treacherous incident the baby elephant along wid Cal is captured by the poachers.Now Hero has just one mission in his life ....to get his elephants back.So he leaves the security of his village and goes to the city.Fights the bad guys over and over again.In the end however,he is only able to save the baby elephant....coz by then Cal has already been killed to be displayed as a trophy in a new restaurant.The chilling scene where Cal's skeleton is revealed is a hrt tugging one.Apart frm this,the concept of animal cruelty has been portrayed with passion in this film.The hero is grt wid all the stunts too.

So this was ma weekend movie.And I dwelled on this film for the most part of it.